lundi 23 novembre 2009

les réveils


this morning , crys are still here, they stay, they stick to me like a doubble skin.
i wish i could peel them out, peel my past, peel my sadness.
when eating is becoming too hard, i loose power. how can i get it back ? with a deep deep inside research. i so wish i could have a bit of reclusion, artistic reclusion but it is time to rehearsal about this subject, the child abuse and it does bring me too far into sadness. all day i have to pretend i am well and i am not. push more, go more this is what i say to myself.
 sometime i wish i could pray.
i am lucky, i have this space to say, to tell.
les matins ou je pleure en me levant, je ne peux rien faire d'autre, même le yoga est impossible. alors je perds mes béquilles et j'avance en boitant face à la tristesse. sois forte, tiens bon, je me répète tout ça mais mes forces ont diminuées alors c'est lourd. lourd comme ce sujet que j'aurai peut être du taire. trop tard, c'est le temps des répétitions et il faut tenir, improviser, fouiller loin dans l'avant, dans le chagrin de maintenant.
 ces jours là, j'aimerais savoir prier.cette page est ma façon de prier, à travers l'anonymat et les dessins. que valent ces dessins, cela importe peu, ils existent et me font battre le coeur.

7 commentaires:

Susie a dit…

I am so sorry you have been hurt and are so sad. I hope doing the journal and blog will help you.

Anonyme a dit…

Powerful imagery and powerful words....I am glad you have this space...

Anonyme a dit…

This is a very moving post. I think that letting yourself feel the pain is the first step to moving through it. Don't be too strong and try to resist, let it move through you. And find help if you feel you need it.
Hugs to you.
Casey

Leah a dit…

(((Hugs))) the art is beautiful!

Unknown a dit…

thanks for all your support

Sherrie Phillips a dit…

I am late to this post and hope you see it. I have been where you are. I did a lot of therapy to help me heal. I hope you have some professional help. I tried for long time to do it on my own and it was not possible. I can truly say I know what you are going through and you will be in my prayers.

Kara Chipoletti Jones of GriefAndCreativity dot com a dit…

It can be so hard to feel what we feel when we feel lousy. Please take good care of you and be as gentle as you can with yourself. So glad you have heART space to create and give voice to your experiences. Don't know what it is like in your area, but here we have some domestic violence organizations who offer creative art therapy and groups. If you need or want that kind of support, maybe start by looking for group that is using art for healing? Also your post made me think of an article I just saw in The Guardian the other day -- if you are interested -- about the legacy of domestic violence -- how very long and much it takes to process those experiences:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2009/nov/27/patrick-stewart-domestic-violence

Miracles,
k-