rest

i had so much work that i am just tired! smoke is back! grhhhrhhrhrh, i will stop it again after the rush! shame on me!

weakness is here

i have to say it : i smoke back! not very happy of myself. may be too much pressure.
i am travelling in my head, trying to clear up the good road to go on.
i already feel, in two days with tobacco the bad effects but , i know, that for now, i am not strong enough to keep on stop smoking, after the festival, it will be a better time. ok, let's face it.
but i will work on it in my brain, to prepare myself better and find a way to resist to pressure and stress taht i get when it is time to perform, to be on stage, to be on a festival..
pictures of my garden for bring green and nature in this smoky post

before the festival

very busy time... just before the main festival where i will have 2 jobs! arghhh no more time to art! but art is part of my life. here is some more pages of my art journal... even if i don't like the paper of my new artjournal i did a few pages, but i did not pictures them yet, may be this week end, after the home performance, i will have 3 days of.

last pages

i finish my first artjournal, i almost feel sad when it was finish and proud!! i started a new one, i like the format but not the quality of the paper!!!! it will be more hard to keep it but another step to learn! learn patience!!
real big job, today i started yoga back , very slowely and then after breakfast irun! yep!!! big job for me to keep no smoking

feel like a week end! yes!

yesterday i performed lucy into a primary school, well done but so tiring! anyway, feel like week end lazy to come, it was raining and full moon is coming, so NOTHING as nothing this morning: no yoga, no walks, no meditation.
i went to the veggies' shop and then cook! and art journling a few pages so i decided to picture a few! yesterday , after performing, i had to wait two hours for edith , who was teaching nearbye, for us to do the road ( awfull road, alsways busy and rainy!!!) together! so i read and i was happy to have 2 hours waiting so i could rest
my elbow is very painfull , sounds like tendinite so , this week end : i am resting! yes! really resting!i have to learn to accept the fat on my hips!

and lazy 's week end will be for this! read, eat, cook, accepting fat on hips!
a faw pages from artjournaling...

about the trok, about me , about changes

on sunday, we had our " trok" day, exchanging things together, clothes, books, cds; each time it is a very slow and lazy sunday lunch time. very free also in schedule's time, open : you are hungry, to wait help yourself , eat when you want, read when you want, seat on chairs, near the kitchen or lay down outside, on the soffa like my daughters. i had a real great time. and few days after i am tired may be it is because i can feel and see my body changing! such a strange time in life! being 46 years old is like a story!
well i am strange right now inside! gess what outside too!

dream of australia

from a few days,i am dreaming of australia... it is a motivation for my non smoking road, saving money for two weeks in byron bay, may be brisbane and sydney... tonight i am performing lucy, i will drive to get to the place..
still feeling very strange about myself but , by let more space for meditation, i start to feel better and i am still not smoking! yes!!!!!
few pictures from brisbane museum

the truth about it

the truth about it is that i still want to smoke, i still love it! and i miss it! i know i am dependant but but but i can found hundred of them. but.
i am stress and howfully tense which is not nice at all.
ok, ok, just to write it it gives motivation.
i realyy need to be an happy no smoker!
come on yoga, help me!
come one, me!
nicotine is like a voice inside me, like a bad spirit fihghting inside with so easy time!
ok ok, i do practise but i can see , not enough, i do walk, swim, but i guess , not enough, i do draw and paint not enough....
may be i should doubble all : yoga, meditation, artjournaling, walks, swims...read and read more!
yep yep come on big potatoe : this is a deep voice that i don't want to ear sayin: come one big cow! do it!
stop complain!

it took me time to choose a picture and i had this from brisbane museum, i do miss byron bay ! for change life nothings seems easier for me than byron bay...

first day at work, in home!

i felt strande today at work, so speed , so stress! i guess it was because i left one month, almost everybody was here and we had a nice lunch all togethers but i felt panicking, like too much busy, very high energy, abit tense when i have to listen or be foccus.
my brain is confused between being so happy and motivate to be back and being so stress regarding all to do.
Astrid, my daughter and Edith ( the real assistant dancer) were very patient with me, i have to thanks them tomorow.
as a wonderfull thing : i swim and the yoga class was wonderfull! a pure gift!
i know that my "yoyo" practise with tobacco and my " a bit less time for my own yoga and meditation" are make me more nerves. i have to be more strict with myself! and stop thinking of tobacco
i am not down with it yet; i pay high price for my last week smokes!! let me pay it, let me go deeper to make me an happy non smoking yogyc women getting close to 50!

here is a picture of awood virgo i did shot on a french rainy day!( end of march)