mourning

i wake up very early today but it was hard to foccus on my yoga, monkey mind going back to Mamie all the time, to memories.
the death of a close and love personn brings you back in your own personnal life. remember her, when i met her, i was young so young, when i met my husband i was into such a deep sad part of my life, this side part did hurt me so many years, like scarf, like burn, like red words made of blood and pain.
the red pain from what bad people can do to children. when i met Mamie, she loved me the way i was, she accepted me and keep loving me when i was becoming what i am now. they are in very good family, with open mind and heart, with space for freedom and " libre expression" which was not possible for me in my parent's house at this time.
so my day was like retrospective, introspection, in...
i did not start to pack and funny things are coming to the mind, like what should i wear for funerals ? so strange to think of this.
this morning i tried to meditate after my small practice ( not that small, 55 minutes...°) but my lind was even more hard to made a foccus
the road for be better is so long...
i want to work more! for be stronger, for love more, for love real



in memory of Mamie, i went on my computer where the storage's picture said flower and i choose 3 blindly... she loved flowers